Dear God, You have all of my heart

My heart breaks a little on the inside. Sometimes, life throws unexpected surprises at you and they’re not always the happy kind. If you read the story of Samson and Delilah (Judges 16), then you know how much trouble Delilah was for Samson. It came to a point where he was not only robbed of his strength, but he was taken prisoner, chained, publicly humiliated, and gouged of his eyes! Talk about a love story gone bad. But it’s not only the physical aspects that he lost… he lost the most important thing in his life: the Spirit and presence of God used to be with him… until he gave into Delilah. Then God left him. Imagine the most important thing in your life, completely gone from the grasp of your fingertips. There is serious danger in being unequally yoked.

For the longest time, I’ve been very content. I’m happy in my singleness. Then something crazy happened. A “Delilah” came along… now, I have to choose between Delilah and God. I, of course, choose God. There’s no question or competition. However, I am still human. Sometimes, choosing to do the right thing can hurt first in the moment, but I also know that if I choose to do the wrong thing, it will hurt me even more. So now, I am taking my time.

I have never been more determined in my life to stay focused on constant prayer and the reading of scripture than now. I believe God has a purpose in this situation. He is pruning me and forcing me to grow in places where it will hurt for a moment, but it will be worth it. “No pain, no gain”, right?

Because I was so content in my singleness, I was not very prayerful for my future love life, my personal growth (to become an appropriate Proverbs 31 wife), and my future spouse. But now, because there is an obstacle and temptation standing in my way (which could potentially hurt my relationship with God), I have to pray.

I am praying for my Boaz to someday come. Someday, I will be ready to be his Ruth. But until then and always, I will stay dedicated to growing my relationship with Jesus. At the end of the day, single or not, God still needs to come first. He is the most important and beloved one in my life. He deserves all my praise, worship, and obedience.

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Devotions

 

So to be honest, I’ve been struggling to consistently read the “read the entire bible in 1 year” plan since 2016.

This is my third attempt (haha).

I know reading God’s word daily is crucial to constantly build and maintain a growing relationship with Him. What better way is there for us to get to know our Father? I realize reading God’s word not only takes discipline (effort driven), but also constant prayer (spirit and communication driven).

A relationship is a 2 way street and so is communication. So if we want to have a flourishing relationship with Christ, we need to seek and desire Him daily.

The more I pray daily, “God please open up my heart and mind to Your word,” the easier it becomes to read it.

Side note: God named a place “Roll” in Hebrew. Isn’t that CUTE or what?!?! lol

Scars and Bruises

If scars signify strength
Then why do bruises make me feel so weak?

If thick skin is what I need to be strong
Then why do I easily bleed?

They say you’re a survivor
When you make it through another day
But why do I feel weaker every morning
When I awake

Do scars really prove that you’re strong?
Does the duration of your tolerance for life
Really depend on how long
You’ve been hanging on?

There’s something
Vaguely mundane
By the words of flattery
In the attempts for sanity

Who can define a survivor?
Who’s to say who’s the weak and the stronger?
The voices inside and out of my head
All have different opinions

I’ll take a step back for once
And try to listen to the silence

Pride

Pride
I’m trying to let go of pride
Release the disgust and judgment
That prevails inside
My clouded mind
Filthy eyes
Filled with sawdust
Scattered from plywood
That I tried to deny
Red eyes
Blink once and twice
Now it’s an infection
With a nasty stye
Who am I to pry?
Who am I to judge
Who will live and die?
Pride
I’ve got to let it go
I’ve got to know
What it’s like to be humble
So all it takes is a single stumble
To remember who I once was
And it’s not because of pride
That I got this far
Was it not hardship, trials, and scars
That took me beyond the stars?
Pride is the pitfall that makes a person plunge
To the lowest ends of the earth
But it is humility that crowns the humble
And measures what a heart is worth

Give Me Faith

I dream and close my eyes

I wake up to the sunrise

I clutch to dreams before they die

I hold onto hope before my strength runs dry

Give me reason to believe in tomorrow

Give me faith to rise above this sorrow

If there is an anchor of faith and hope

Let me know that I’m not alone