He Is Risen!

Easter will always be more than just an annual holiday for me. Easter goes deeper beyond the Easter egg hunt and bunnies (although they’re very irrelevant lol). Easter… just like Christmas comes by yearly and marks a significant reminder for my soul. As someone who struggles with depression… it’s a daily tackle to remind myself the JOY that comes in the gospel (the story of Jesus).

A Muslim friend asked me yesterday, “Easter is tomorrow! Are you excited?” I was taken aback by her question. She acknowledged that this is indeed an exciting time, yet I lost my enthusiasm overtime.

To think that God came down in human form, empathetically walked my shoes in human life, and paid the ultimate sacrifice right on the cross… is something I always need to process the depths of everyday (If you want to discuss this or have questions about life and God, message me. I’d love to talk!). I never deserved this grace. I could never work for it or earn it. This is God’s love.

I think I’m honestly just experiencing a dry season right now. Life is messy. Senior year is stressful. All the more, I need to rely on God. I only share this because it’s unhealthy to bottle it in and we are to boast in our weaknesses (2 Cor 12:9).

I NEED daily reminders to process it in my head… that God loves me… that Jesus lived an exceptional example, died on the cross, and resurrected 3 days after for me and YOU. God is so gracious.

I encourage and implore you: don’t give up on faith. If you feel like you have nothing left to hold on to, God is still holding on to you. If you cannot feel Him, I PROMISE you that He is still there! In the gospel, when the disciples mourned for Jesus’s death, they walked on the road to Emmaus. They were so troubled, they could not recognize Jesus walking by their side ’til they sat down at the table and broke bread! (Luke 24) I promise you, God will never give up on you. The gospel is alive and well and Christianity exists today because Jesus lives and has risen. No matter what Easter means to you, I hope that you will never miss out on the gospel, the greatest love story of all time, and the greatest news you’ll ever hear!

Jesus is risen! He is risen, indeed!

Fellow introverts (and extroverts) please pray for me

I have reached a new level of introvert. Looking back in my life, I’ve lived in the shoes of many different types of social people.

When I was little, I was a social butterfly… I was the extroverted chatter box in the classroom. I talked to everyone and traded snacks with every kid. Then in middle school, I was the quiet girl who stuck and hid my nose in a book all the time. Then in high school, I was the person who would start conversations at the lunch table, with my new found love in Jesus.

In college, I am now a mesh of things, but I’ve been falling more and more introverted. I don’t know what happened to me. I’m not happy or proud of it. I don’t do it on purpose either.

I’m a paradoxical living oxymoron. I am a club vice president (for Cru) and have to often put myself outside of my comfort zone and shell. But then there are days when I am drained, just plain exhausted. Other times, I’m just awkward. On campus, I run into people from my class, acquaintances, or even professors. Then I look down or look the other way. I actually feel like a jerk, doing it. I’m not always shy. Now, it’s just an instantaneous, reactive instinct. I’m not proud of it… I end up questioning myself like, “Why did I do that? Shouldn’t I be a salt and light in the world? Shouldn’t I be building up relationships and showing people Christ? Why am I now shutting out people? I used to be so open in high school.”

I regret it. I am now in a very stressed out phase in my college senior year. I’m graduating in less than 2 months. Please pray for me… to treat people better. I do love people… because they are God’s creation… they are as human as I am. I don’t know why I’ve been acting more and more introverted lately. Being an introvert is no excuse to hold back the kingdom of God (not that it ever could be by a mere person). Pray for me to be more open, friendly, and kind… pray for me not to be so caught up on my own stress, but to try to care for others, not with my own strength. I pray that I can love people because of God’s love and may God touch me and work with me to be a light on my campus, in my last semester here…

No longer a slave to fear

God gave courage to a timid person like me. 

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” ‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭1:7‬ ‭

I was given the opportunity to read scripture in my class today. Mind you, this is a public college campus. QC Cru evangelized on campus today, so we went out in pairs. I was scared to approach the first person, but once we started talking, God broke the ice for us. The girl shared painful experiences in her life and God opened the door in that moment. I shared the same exact experiences as her and we were able to empathize together. That was no coincidence. 

God broke my shell and walls. God broke my barriers. He is going to do so much more than I can fathom and anticipate. 

Repentance

“But who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be blameless, innocent of great transgression. May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:12-14 

Repentance. We all desperately need it. I know, I need it. It hurts to be far from God. It hurts to hurt Him. I’m surrendering my broken pieces to Jesus. Please God, take it all. Today’s sermon at church spoke to me. My daily bible plan spoke to me. The message was loud and clear: repent. Turn away from my ugly, sinful ways. Surrender everything to God. His laws and His holy Word is beautiful. God is beautiful. 

My prayer: Help me, everyday, Lord. All my anxiety, my worries, my depression, my sins, take it all. You are still bigger than all the fears and demons in my life. You are even bigger than my weaknesses. May Your will be done in my life on earth as it is in heaven. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

Encourage Each Other In Prayer

It is my last semester of senior year in college.

Since this spring semester began, I felt nothing but impending stress looming above me daily. I had to take my burdens to God in prayer all the time. I felt [feel] anxiety everyday. I questioned the typical questions that possibly every college senior asks themselves, “What am I going to do after I graduate? Will I succeed? Will I find a job?”

I am torn between my dreams and responsibilities. I have my parents who I earnestly want to help. I know that God always and will be my [our] ultimate provider. He is faithful, good, loving, and knows all our needs. Since I was a little girl, I thought that I would go to law school to become a lawyer. I had dreams to help immigrants in this country as an immigration lawyer. My dreams drastically changed since the day I started writing songs. Now, I am close to the finish line to earn my Bachelor’s in Economics. I know for sure, I won’t be writing mainstream lyrics about supply and demand (hah, sorry too much satire).

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.” Proverbs 16:9 

Yesterday, I was reminded of the very essential thing Christians must do:

To encourage each other in prayer.

I met up with some friends on my college campus from my Christian Club, where I have been blessed to serve as a student club leader for two years now. We sat in a circle, face to face, completely vulnerable. These beautiful friends of mine, whose smiling faces I always see- I was met by their pain, worries, and struggles. My heart empathized for them.

It was the sheer, humbling, and overlooked reminder that we are all human. We tend to put up a strong composure to encourage others, but we all have our struggles. We don’t need to pretend that we have it all together to help others. Sometimes, when we share in our struggles, we are able to open deeper conversations and friendships.

Together, we prayed and comfort swept over us. There were other college seniors who sat with us. We all felt the same emotion upon graduation: anxiety. We all prayed for the peace of Jesus Christ and for God to reveal clarity to us. We were all encouraged and concluded it with a group hug.

The Christian walk was never meant to be a solo, lone-ranging journey. Jesus is with you. It’s even better when your siblings can lift you up, not in condemnation, but in prayer.

There isn’t a pain too deep that God can’t heal. There isn’t a sin too great that God can’t forgive. Allow others to pray over you, friend, and encourage each other in prayer.

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11 

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15 

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” James 5:16

 

the endless struggle of the introvert

Maybe sometimes
The best thing I can do
Is play music and sing
In absolute solitude

I’m always and will be an introvert
No person or circumstance
Can ever reverse
My longingness
For quiet and space

Sorry not sorry
I am not ashamed
I can never explain
The rhyme or reason
For my need of social
Quarantine

But don’t get me wrong
I still love people
Because God placed
This love inside of me
By His grace
Stretching farther than
The stars we gaze
By His grace
I can reach and engage
The people in my life
Who come my way

I’m always and will be an introvert
But as long as I’m happy
I know I’m okay

Debate
Between the heart and mind
To distinguish
Wrong and right
Is no fine line
Don’t lose the tug of war
Feelings aren’t keeping score
Wisdom
Overruns
Emotion
Overcomes
So the heart and mind
Battle
Sanity
Tackles
For rational
Thinking
Don’t let the feelings
Sink in
I believe in wisdom
I believe in God’s will and kingdom
The heart wanders
And attempts escape
In fantasies far away
But I’d rather stand on firm foundation
Forever, on the rock I’ll stay