Scars and Bruises

If scars signify strength
Then why do bruises make me feel so weak?

If thick skin is what I need to be strong
Then why do I easily bleed?

They say you’re a survivor
When you make it through another day
But why do I feel weaker every morning
When I awake

Do scars really prove that you’re strong?
Does the duration of your tolerance for life
Really depend on how long
You’ve been hanging on?

There’s something
Vaguely mundane
By the words of flattery
In the attempts for sanity

Who can define a survivor?
Who’s to say who’s the weak and the stronger?
The voices inside and out of my head
All have different opinions

I’ll take a step back for once
And try to listen to the silence

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The tears from my eyes
Drop down
Heavily as bricks
From a building in demolition
Deconstruct the feeble architecture
Of my walls
They’re torn with no protection
No ceiling
No foundation
A barren landfill is what I am
A forgotten waste of space
Dirt and dust fill my void
Not to mention the litter that comes my way
The last sounds are the crashes
Of bulldozers that bust my barriers
I used to be a castle filled with hopes and dreams
I used to be a home to a family of three
I used to be a church to house of those in faith
I used to be a roof to keep those I love safe
But now I am broken
I am a project in destruction
My sign says “danger” above work in progress
Blocking me are barbed wires to shut in all regrets
I am a land in quarantine, people are told to “keep out”
From the signs on wired fences
They aren’t defenses
They’re just imprisoning me in doubt

2 A.M. woes

Depression is like 

The insomnia and fear

That eat away 

My brain cells at 2 A.M.

When I’m awfully tired

And want to sleep 

But can’t blink a single 

Second to keep 

On a moment’s notice 

My brain runs fast like a locomotive 

Engine burning out 

And the steam train resounds 

Choo choo pipes the loud kazoo

But I can’t catch the Z’s or count the sheep 

Baa baa the sheep go and run astray 

The minutes and seconds slip away 

And I’m in desperation for some sleep 

So would you catch me when I pray? 

On my knees I do plead

Dear God, help me get some sleep