I have reached a new level of introvert. Looking back in my life, I’ve lived in the shoes of many different types of social people.
When I was little, I was a social butterfly… I was the extroverted chatter box in the classroom. I talked to everyone and traded snacks with every kid. Then in middle school, I was the quiet girl who stuck and hid my nose in a book all the time. Then in high school, I was the person who would start conversations at the lunch table, with my new found love in Jesus.
In college, I am now a mesh of things, but I’ve been falling more and more introverted. I don’t know what happened to me. I’m not happy or proud of it. I don’t do it on purpose either.
I’m a paradoxical living oxymoron. I am a club vice president (for Cru) and have to often put myself outside of my comfort zone and shell. But then there are days when I am drained, just plain exhausted. Other times, I’m just awkward. On campus, I run into people from my class, acquaintances, or even professors. Then I look down or look the other way. I actually feel like a jerk, doing it. I’m not always shy. Now, it’s just an instantaneous, reactive instinct. I’m not proud of it… I end up questioning myself like, “Why did I do that? Shouldn’t I be a salt and light in the world? Shouldn’t I be building up relationships and showing people Christ? Why am I now shutting out people? I used to be so open in high school.”
I regret it. I am now in a very stressed out phase in my college senior year. I’m graduating in less than 2 months. Please pray for me… to treat people better. I do love people… because they are God’s creation… they are as human as I am. I don’t know why I’ve been acting more and more introverted lately. Being an introvert is no excuse to hold back the kingdom of God (not that it ever could be by a mere person). Pray for me to be more open, friendly, and kind… pray for me not to be so caught up on my own stress, but to try to care for others, not with my own strength. I pray that I can love people because of God’s love and may God touch me and work with me to be a light on my campus, in my last semester here…